Milk
by SolidScriptJess
Summary: Natsu is the reason why Lucy was unable to say goodbye to her father before he died. Now their relationship is falling apart and Natsu is scrambling to fix it. Nalu one-shot.


"Natsu."

He was cold. The sheets were a damp tangle around his bare waist, and the whirling ceiling fan above the bed was blowing softly against the thin sheen of sweat slick on his skin. His chest heaved, shoulder blades and spine digging into the mattress as his muscles constricted against the hardness of the cushion. It was threadbare and old, a bed that they had picked up in a thrift store back in Hargeon, with stains and dust clinging to it in the way that the mothball smell clung to their chipped wardrobe shoved in the corner of the room. He knew this, but had it always felt this _uncomfortable_?

"Natsu."

Something poked his cheek bone, and with a short slough he peeled back his eyes, hands ritualistically reaching out to the other side of the bed. All he grasped was cool, dry air. The bed was empty. As it had been for the past month. A new shiver twisted down his back, and every hair on his skin rose.

" _Natsu_."

Blinking at the sound of her voice, Natsu lifted the sheets twined around him in a fist and rolled over in bed. Lucy was sitting on the carpet, right beside the ashy stain leftover from when she had knocked a candle over on _that night_. Behind her, the blinds were open, the corner of the moon pitching a single beam of white light across the right side of her hunched body; it glinted against navy blue nail polish every time her fingers drummed down across her knee. The other leg was jiggling up and down. Her eyes, weighed down by the dark circles beneath them, were flitting all over him.

"Luce?"

"Are you awake?" She was trying to whisper, he could tell, but as usual she just ended up sounding loud in the soft air; harsh and urgent. Something he'd grown used to as of late.

"Guess so," he grumbled, pushing himself up on the mattress. Springs creaked.

He was eye-level with her now and he couldn't tell if the lack of light in her eyes was due to the shadows dancing across her face, or something else. With the back of his hand, he wiped his clammy forehead.

"We're out of milk."

"Okay," he drawled, not bothering to hide the question in his voice. "I'll get some in the morning."

"I want it now."

Though her tone and volume never changed, the words made him flinch a bit. His eyes flickered to the clock. 3:52 am.

"Now," he repeated, letting the word slide off his tongue on a quiet huff of air. He raked a hand through his pink tangles. Faculty meeting at 6:45am. Then seven hours of teaching right after. His head was already aching at the thought.

But there was a tiny, little spark of hope that was glinting at the very back of Lucy's eyes. He hadn't seen seen it in so long, it was enough to have him pushing off the mattress with a groan. There was a pair of jeans with the belt still in them crumpled on the floor from where he'd kicked them off earlier that night, and he tugged them back on over his black boxers, leaving them unzipped for the moment. Below him, Lucy plucked a random shirt off the floor and handed it to him.

"Thanks," he said with a smile, ruffling her hair as he walked past. "Let me pee, then we can get going."

A moment later, Natsu was finally feeling awake as he and Lucy wrapped layers around them. Huffing out a heavy breath after fixing the collar of his coat, he bent to pet the small, white dog shaking at his feet.

"We'll be back in a few." The puppy yipped when his fingers slipped into a rough scratch on the side of the neck. "Watch the house, alright?"

Lucy was watching him with tired eyes when he rose up from his crouch. He smiled at her and gave her hand a squeeze, hoping to relieve the tension metastasizing in the quiet air around them.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

She nodded without returning his smile. Her hand was limp in his. "Hand me my scarf, please."

Slipping from the loose embrace of their hands, Natsu tugged the black yarn scarf from the closet, making the hanger twist and turn erratically. Lucy held her hand out expectantly, a thank you already beginning to fall from chapped, parted lips. But he ignored her, stepping up until he was inches away from her, and wrapped the scarf around her neck with slow, patient movements, being sure to tuck her chin and mouth inside the soft material to keep in as much warmth as possible. When he was done, the frayed ends shoved inside the collar of her coat to prevent unravelling, he pressed a firm kiss on the crown of her head. He could smell her shampoo, the same sandalwood vanilla, intoxicating scent that she'd been using when they went on their first date. He missed it.

He missed her.

As they climbed into the beige-and-rust colored car parked in the middle of their gravelly driveway, Natsu watched Lucy buckle herself in. She picked her tangled hair out from beneath the seatbelt and let it drape back over the curve of her chest before leaning against the window and peeking over at Natsu.

"What?" she asked, quiet.

"Your hair's gotten longer."

With vague surprise, she glanced down at the frayed locks, fingering them. "Really?"

Natsu nodded, finally slamming his car door shut and buckling himself in. Images of that night pooled in his mind as he pulled out and set off down the road towards the other side of town. The first pastel hues of the sky were starting to bleed into the pitch of night, a couple of cars passing with blinding headlights. But all he could see was her delicately-curled hair brushing against pale shoulders-the same shoulders that glowed red as he trailed his lips down the curve of her bared neck, and shook when he nibbled at the sensitive spot on her collarbone.

" _Natsu."_ _His name, pitched low in her throat as if torn from her unexpectedly._

 _He grinned at the love and warmth that radiated inside him from that single utterance, tongue flicking out against her damp skin in appreciation. Unknotting his hand from within those soft tresses, he caressed down the peaches and cream of her skin, exploring any inch he could and pushing down the cotton, paint-stained fabric of her dress as he went. She keened and squirmed in his embrace when the pads of his fingers rested to tease the soft skin just beneath the curve of her breast; the sound mixed with the slow, rich vocals of Ella Fitzgerald that were crackling out from the dusty radio sitting atop one of the many boxes they'd yet to unpack._

" _Natsu." It was more irritated this time, needy, but still filled with the affection that loaded the first whisper._

 _She pulled back a little, allowing Natsu a full view of how the flames of the cinnamon candles around them illuminated her portrait, shadows working well to enunciate the plump pout of her bottom lip, the roundness of her cheeks, and the depth of her brown eyes. A chuckle spilling past his lips, he smoothed down an unruly piece of her hair. Her eyes flickered down to his lips as his favorite smile, that he could only describe as_ red _, brightened up the features of her face. She leaned in, delicate lips pressed against the shell of his ear._

" _We're here."_

Natsu shook his head about, pink hair flouncing against the tired lines of his face as he tugged himself back into reality. Lucy was leaned a bit forward, looking at him with an expression reminiscent of the ones she'd always give him whenever he worried her, but it still lacked its usual gravity. He smiled at her anyway, reaching out to smooth down a piece of her hair.

"Sorry." He turned off the car, which he had somehow managed to park at the front of the shack that boasted " _24/7 QUICK-MART"_ in shuddering neon red. "You—" he scratched the back of his neck "—uh, comin' in?"

Lucy turned forward in the seat, her jeans squeaking against the cracked pleather seat, and huffed. For a moment, she worried her already-abused chapped lip between her teeth, but finally licked her lips and nodded. Before Natsu could comment, she had unbuckled her seatbelt and slammed the door shut. Rolling tense shoulders, he followed her lead.

They walked the few steps to the front door side-by-side and Natsu put his hand on the scuffed handle to pull it open, but then both paused as Lucy dug her feet into the thin layer of snow coating the sidewalk and squeezed her eyes shut. Natsu concentrated on the short wisps of breath snaking between her slightly parted lips and counted down from ten before releasing the door to place both hands on her shoulders. As he leaned down so that their faces were inches apart, Lucy opened her wetly glistening eyes. Her shoulders were shaking beneath his gentle touch.

"You don't have to do this yet, alright, Luce? It's only been a month," he soothed.

Tucking her hands in her pocket and hunkering down further in the embrace of her scarf, she nodded. "Sorry."

It was so quiet and mangled, Natsu felt something inside him physically ache. Overwhelmed, he pressed a chaste kiss on her forehead, whispered, "Nothin' to be sorry for," then ducked inside the convenience store.

His heart was fighting against his ribs, thumping hard enough that he could feel the strength of his pulse jumping beneath every inch of his skin. The store was by no means warm, but he was sweating under the the fluorescent lights and blood-shot stare of the single, overweight employee behind the counter. When he reached the fridge, he tore open the door and stepped so close to the drinks that he could feel the mechanical air breathing against his flush.

There was a phone ringing in his ear, over and over, piercing his temples and hammering against his skull. He gritted his teeth, loosening the scaly scarf around his neck. _Ignore it,_ he told himself. _Just—_

" _Natsu."_

 _Lucy's naked form was pressed against the freshly-washed sheets, back arched so that every inch of their chests were flush together. Natsu had just managed to kick his pants off to the floor, his slim, black boxers now the only material separating them from being fully united. He hummed against her skin in question, hand sliding up the plump of her thigh wrapped around his waist._

" _The phone's ringing."_

 _He'd heard it—of course he had. The phone was mere inches away from the bed, resting in the charging cradle after being disconnected during their move to the new house. But this was the first time in three, agonizing weeks that Natsu had been able to touch Lucy without her snapping his head off in the moving-induced stress that constantly lingered over them. It was their first night in their first house together—they deserved to have it all to themselves._

" _Ignore it."_

 _His hand continued its trail until it rested against the jut of her hip, where he traced lazy circles with his thumb. Their lips smacked against each other a few times, but before Natsu could deepen it, she pulled away, chest heaving._

" _But what if it's important?"_

 _He cupped her face, bringing her back to him. "Voicemail."_

" _But—"_

 _Groaning, Natsu rolled over so that he could stretch out his arm and unplug the phone from the wall, silencing the rings and bringing them back to the quiet, heated atmosphere they'd been wrapped up in before._

" _The world can survive without us for a bit," he said as he lowered himself back down to the beautiful woman blinking up at him. "Let's just focus on us for once."_

 _She rolled her eyes, but she was smiling brightly and tugging him back into their kiss so they could continue where they left off. The final piece of clothing was removed, bodies molding together with the scorch of skin and plumes of shuddering pants. Over and over, they fell into each other, words of love flooding their lungs, fingers gripping for purchase in flesh and sheets, until spiraling up into their shuddering highs. Glowing with exhaustion, they collapsed onto the bed, curled up against each other as they let the last heated tendrils fade from beneath their skin._

With a sharp breath that burned his lungs, he ripped himself back into the present. His vision was blurred, tears welling up but unwilling to fall. He couldn't breath. A bottle of Coke fell off the shelf by his own scrambling hands and rolled about at his feet.

Shaking his head, he stepped back. The freezer door slammed shut. He felt his heart beat once, and then a clear breath of air flooded through him.

He was okay. Okay. Lucy was waiting for him. How long had he been standing there? His fingers were angry red, barely responding when he tried to curl and flex them; a thin sheen of condensation sweated from his fingertips.

He nodded. Licked his lips. He was okay.

Quickly, shoving thoughts from his head, he swiped the Coke from the ground and exchanged it in the fridge for a carton of milk. When he slammed it on the counter, the cashier just blinked his watery eyes and slowly, as if dragging himself through molasses, scanned it and took Natsu's outstretched bill. Unwilling to wait, Natsu just mumbled for him to keep the change, zipped his coat up further, and plunged back out into the bleak outside.

Lucy was standing exactly where he had left her. She seemed eternally frozen there, painted into the night by an artist's delicate hand. The black of her clothes melted in with the sky surrounding her, disrupted only by a sliver of her wrist peeking out chapped and red above her pocket; wisps of her blond hair floated up, waving at the stars. A thin layer of snow hugged her, and as he watched more of the pristine white rest upon her shoulders, the thought occurred to him that if he left her there, she would allow the snow to consume her.

He was next to her, taking that sliver of exposed wrist into the warm grip of his hand. She blinked up at him as if she'd been in a trance and was just now waking up.

"Ready to go?" he asks.

Her eyes dragged down his entire profile, lingering a second longer on the milk held loosely at his side. When she met his eyes, her lips pressed into a thin line.

Together, they walked to the car. Inside, with the heater blasting, there was still a chill that clung to them like an unwanted friend. Lucy wasn't looking at him. Natsu wasn't looking at her. A cavern of silence laid between them.

Plue greeted them at the door as they walked inside, stamping the snow from their clothes. Layer after layer was peeled off until they're back in their rumpled clothes and padding into the kitchen. As Natsu knocked glasses around in the cabinet trying to find Lucy's favorite one, the girl in question picked up Plue and clasped him against her chest.

 _She sobbed, fingers dug inside the white fuzz of his fur as he licked at the collar of one of Natsu's ratty t-shirts she'd thrown on. Her legs were twisted beneath where she drooped on the floor of their bedroom. Their new sheets dripped off the bed, torn in one corner by Lucy's own hands._

 _Natsu spoke into the phone he'd stolen from Lucy just a short minute ago. "Yes, understood. We'll be in the city tomorrow to make arrangements. Yeah. Thanks. Okay. Okay. Bye."_

 _Immediately after he hung up the phone, he crossed the room to go to Lucy, but she shrunk back, wailing. Plue jumped from her arms and she popped up, fingers clawing at the inside of her fists._

" _This is your fault! It's all your fault. I shouldn't have listened to you. I should have—"_

" _I'm sorry, Luce, I'm so sorry. How was I supposed to know? I was just thinking that we could—"_

 _He moved to put his arms around her, but she jerked back a step into the bedside table. "No!" One of the candles shuddered, then fell off the tabletop. The carpet snuffed it out instantly, staining the carpet black._

" _You weren't thinking," she continued. Tears ran down her red cheeks. He remembered how they had been just as red moments ago when she was moaning his name. Was it possible that this was all really the same night? "As always, you weren't thinking. You roped me into whatever idiotic plan you come up with, and look what happened!"_

" _Luce—"_

Taking a glass from the cabinet, Natsu filled it to the top with milk, then offered it to Lucy. She stared at it for a second before shrugging and putting Plue down by the patio door, not looking at him.

"I don't want it," she said.

"What?"

She peeked at him, eyes dull. "It really was your fault, you know."

He shook his head, sliding the milk further across the counter. "I don't know what you're talking about. Can you just drink the milk so we can go back to bed?"

"I told you I don't want it."

He stared at her, hands tightening on the counter. "Well ya sure wanted it an hour ago when you woke me up."

"I'm going to bed."

"Lucy-" Natsu grabbed hold of her arm. It was so thin beneath his grip. A single flex of his finger could probably break it.

"I couldn't even drink it if I wanted to, Natsu." She turned to him, blinking slowly from under her drooping lashes. "It's dairy milk. Lactose intolerant, remember? Now let me go to bed."

Lucy shook him off and started the climb upstairs, leaving Natsu to stare at the air she had just been taking up. He glanced back over his shoulder and noticed that the milk label really did just read "1% Milk" instead of the usual "100% Natural Soy Milk" that he had gotten used to seeing around the house. He honestly couldn't even remember the last time he'd bought 1% milk. It was a habit he'd cut out as soon as Lucy started spending the night at his place, and had just become normal by the time they'd fully moved in together. There's no way that he'd have forgotten that detail about her.

But he had. He hadn't even thought about it before grabbing the milk—he just didn't even remember. And the fact was, now that he thought about it, he didn't remember much of Lucy at all anymore. He saw her so infrequently those days that he couldn't recall where all the freckles were on her cheeks—were there any on her nose? He couldn't remember where the wrinkles would form when she smiled; he couldn't remember how brown the roots of her hair were; couldn't remember how her hand felt in his. Hell, when did she get so thin that he felt like he could break her? The only Lucy he remembered was strong.

And yet…she was changing the way winter melted into spring, slowly until there's nothing left.

His feet pounded against the linoleum as he went after her, catching up to her on the stairs in only a few strides. Her elbow was gripped beneath his clammy fist.

"Wait," he pleaded. "We need to talk."

Without turning, she tried to shake him off again. "No, I'm done with you. I want to go to bed."

"No, Lucy! We need to—"

"Back _off!_ "

In one motion, she twisted and attempted to yank her arm out of his grasp. Her feet were all wrong, though, still frozen from the outside; clunky. They clashed together, mixing until she was no longer standing, but falling, dragging Natsu down with her.

He saw it happen, and even in his descent he reached out towards her, fingertips pleading to grapple onto her and cushion her against his chest. But she was light as a feather; a pillow stuffed full of down. As Natsu twisted and tumbled on the hardwood of the stairs, she tipped and he watched as she floated down, whisked right out of his grasp.

Time snapped back to earth, and it slammed her down at the bottom of the steps. Natsu crumpled next to her a moment later. The light fixture hanging from the ceiling above them swayed gently; he counted the backs and forths through the fog coalescing in his head.

 _One…two…three…four._

Lucy groaned, and it swiped away the grime in his brain. He tested turning his head, making sure he hadn't managed to seriously injure himself. The pain was present, but slight; he forced himself up on his knees and crawled over to Lucy, gently turning her from her side onto her back. Her eyes were shut, her body too limp, too pliable, too _still._

His throat tightened, bile beginning to simmer at the base of it as his mind raced through the worst cases possible.

"Lucy…"

 _She wouldn't turn to him, wouldn't even blink in acknowledgment of his words._

" _Lucy, please look at me."_

 _He squeezed her hand, but she remained looking forward, watching the team of her father's closest business partners shouldered his polished casket down to the hearse. The spires of Kardia Cathedral spooled shadows down over the faces of all the attendees. Lucy was submerged in one._

" _I should have been there," she whispered. "He had them call me because he wanted his last moments to be spent with me."_

 _The casket was shoved into the hearse and secured. The signal was given for everyone to get in their cars and follow the procession. Everyone moved, sniffling, chatting. Natsu could hear some of what they were saying._

" _Poor girl."_

" _He just went out for some milk—"_

" _Horrible, just horrible."_

" _To think people still get robbed at convenience stores…"_

 _Lucy was as still as the statues carved into the front of the church, the shadows still kissing her pale skin. Her eyes were trained on the marble steps, or maybe nothing. He couldn't tell. For the first time since he met her, Natsu couldn't figure out what she was thinking._

" _I could have been there."_

" _Lucy…" He reached for her—_

She blinked dazedly up at him, a cute wrinkle between her brows as she pressed her hand to her forehead. Natsu's cheeks pinched as a smile broke out across his lips, and he laughed, hanging his head.

"Thank Mavis, Lucy. Holy shit."

He suddenly gathered her in his arms, crushing her against his chest. Her face ended up awkwardly smooshed between his neck and collarbone.

"Wha—Natsu?"

She squirmed a bit, beginning to push him away, but he just tightened his hold.

"Just let me stay here for a little bit. I thought I lost you." He paused, and buried his face in her hair, inhaling again that familiar vanilla sandalwood. "I don't want to lose you."

Lucy was stiff at first. It had been so long since they'd last embraced like this: it felt almost unnatural to both, their limbs awkwardly splayed as if they couldn't quite remember how to fit against each other anymore.

But slowly she allowed herself to unwind, and then her arms ribboned around him, holding him just as close. Hot tears slithered down his neck and disappeared beneath the collar of his shirt.

"You won't. You'll never lose me," she whispered.

Something in the air had shifted, and like how a strong breeze brushes away a mountain of snow, the tension that coiled around their necks for the past several months scattered. Natsu believed her words more than he'd believed anything in his entire existence. Everything that he thought had been sifting through his fingers was now mending itself back where it belonged.

 _I forgive you._

She didn't say it, but he felt the words pressed against his neck by the petals of her lips. He just nodded and ran his hand through her knotted hair.

* * *

After sitting in each other's embrace until their knees ached, they wandered upstairs and indulged in a warm bath. They took turns cleaning each other slowly, gingerly running a shower pouf over soft, creamy skin. Lucy flicked the surface of the water once, showering Natsu's startled face with bits of suds, and he pounced on her at once, dunking her beneath the water as she squealed.

Water plunged over the rim of the tub, dripping to the tile below. It spread between the cracks of the floor, ebbing out; laughter and yelps danced through the room.

By the time they got out, wrapping threadbare towels around their dripping skin, the sun was beginning to rise.

Lucy stood in front of the dusty mirror, drying her hair with another towel as Natsu paced around the bedroom, phone balanced on his hip as he called in "sick" to work. His principal, Erza, could be heard shouting through the flimsy plastic, but he just shook her off with a promise of strawberry cheesecake at the next meeting. She was just beginning to come around when, downstairs, Plue began to bark.

"Plue," Lucy called, poking her head through the doorway.

In response, his barks grew hysterical. Lucy turned to Natsu with worried eyes.

"Erza, I gotta go, alright? Strawberry cheesecake, promise."

Before Erza could argue, Natsu hung up the phone. Placing the phone down beside the bed, he grabbed Lucy's hand and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Let's go see what the little psycho wants," he said.

A chirp of laughter bubbled between her lips, and the two made their way down to the kitchen where Plue had his face shoved up against the glass of their back door. His paws were digging against the floor, tongue flying wildly as he panted between heavy barks. Nudging the dog off with a press of his calf against its fur, Natsu squinted out the window as Lucy scooped the squirming dog up in her arms.

At first, he doesn't see anything. The small, dead backyard was silent and still in the sheer dawn. But then, he heard a soft _meow._

Gaping, Natsu looked down at the very foot of the door. There, rubbing its very _blue_ fur up against the glass of the backdoor was a kitten, matted down with mud and melted snow. Lucy gasped and leaned down to get a better look.

"Is that a cat?" she asked.

Natsu peeled open the door and crouched in the cold morning air to scoop the kitten up in his hands. The kitten was so young and malnourished that it hardly felt like he was carrying anything at all; though the little guy definitely made up for it with all the meowing and pawing at Natsu's shirt he was doing.

"Hey there, little guy," Natsu whispered, scratching behind his ears. He looked up at Lucy, who was staring at the two with a soft smile. "He's cold."

"I'll go get a blanket."

Lucy left with Plue still growling in her arms and returned just a few seconds later with a small blanket and no Plue.

"I locked him in the bedroom for now," she explained with Natsu gave her a look.

Sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor, the couple worked together at bundling the kitten up and petting him all over until he was warm enough that he stopped with the incessant meowing. Though they were sure the kitten was happier now, he continued to nip at Natsu's fingers.

"D'ya think he's hungry?" Natsu asked.

Lucy hummed in thought, then stretched her arm up to the counter, blindly fumbling around for a second until she hit something with a clank. Face pinched in concentration, she carefully brought down the glass of milk Natsu had poured earlier.

"Let's try this," she said, tipping the glass face-level with the kitten.

The kitten sniffed for a moment, then hesitantly dipped his tongue in the stream of milk hovering right at the lip of the glass. After a few seconds, he was greedily drinking it down as his body vibrated with satisfied purrs.

Natsu stared down at the little guy curled up happily in his arms. "Luce."

She blinked up at him, head tilted in question.

"Can we keep him?"

Her face split into a grin, and Natsu could tell that she had been thinking the same thing as him; was already melted by the image of the tiny little thing curled up in Natsu's huge arms.

"Only if I can name him," she reasoned.

Natsu pouted, looking down at the kitten who was now done with his milk and beginning to bat at Natsu's hand again.

"But I already thought of a good one," he grumbled.

She gaped. "Already? What is it?"

Natsu placed his index finger by the kitten's mouth so he could gnaw on it, and then he looked up into Lucy's eyes.

"Happy."

Her shoulders slumped, her entire face melting into an expression of velvet as she dragged her gaze over his entire face. Natsu didn't say that he wanted to name the kitten "Happy" because it was what they once were and what they now had the opportunity to be again; he didn't say it was because he was happy—happy to have his Lucy back, happy to finally be forgiven for his greatest sin. He didn't have to. He knew that Lucy saw it in the burning embers of his eyes then, and therefore she needed no other reason to say:

"Okay, Happy, then. I love it."

She leaned forward and softly, but surely, pressed her lips against his. Natsu sagged against her and took one hand away from Happy to gingerly cradle her face.

When she pulled away, he gazed at her with eyes at half-mast.

"Me too," he said. "It's perfect."

* * *

 **Holy cow. I've been gone a long time. And I've honest to God been writing this all 7 months that I've been gone. It's been ridiculous. Life has been wild, and I'm not in a very good mental space right now, unfortunately, so I'm sorry if the ending of this seemed rushed. I just really wanted to finish it for the sake of finishing something and being able to move on with my life. Regardless, I'm still pretty proud of it, and I hope you guys enjoyed this piece as well.**

 **Please R &R! They make me smile, and I'm trying to do my best at responding to each one (: **

**Until next time (which will hopefully be a multi-chaptered fic?)!**

 **-Jess**

 ***EDIT* Sorry for those who've seen the story already before! There was a lot of problems with the first upload, so I just decided to delete and re-upload.**


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